In August of 2010, I was diagnosed with breast cancer for the second time, at the proverbial “all clear” 5-year mark post first diagnosis. This second cancer was stage 1. I was going to need the full standard of care—biopsy, surgery, chemo, radiation. It was a shock. I was scared.
On September 16, 2010, I read this post on Rob Brezsny’s Free Will Astrology.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Here’s your mantra: BIG GREEN LUCK EVERYWHERE. I urge you to say it frequently in the coming days. Sing it softly to yourself while you’re driving your car or riding on public transportation. Whisper it as a prayer before each meal. BIG GREEN LUCK EVERYWHERE. Chant it in rhythm to your steps as you walk. Murmur it to the tiny angel looking down at you from the ceiling just before you drop off to sleep. Yell it out as you’re dancing beneath the sky. BIG GREEN LUCK EVERYWHERE. It’ll work its magic even if you don’t know exactly why you’re saying it or what it means.
This indeed become my mantra. It still is. It is written on the blackboard in my kitchen so I see it every day. It became a metaphor for how I speak about my cancer treatment. I was not in a cancer ‘battle,’ rather on a journey. I didn’t say ‘chemo’ but spoke instead of my ‘healing elixir’.
Today I am cancer free. As with many who go on the cancer journey, I came away with increased spirituality. But later I came to realize I also came away with PTSD, experiencing an anxiety disorder that manifested in panic attacks and serious avoidance behaviors. I had great difficulty boarding an airplane. I feared a debilitating panic attack while driving.
I walked many paths to clear the fear—therapy, yoga, meditation, acupuncture, walks in the woods, and Reiki. Finally, after an ah-ha moment spurred by a conversation with a good friend, I realized that medication could help. Within 6 months of taking medication, the fear-of-fear response was gone, and with it, the avoidance behaviors.
Fast forward to now. I received Reiki on many occasions, including during my chemo infusions. Reiki brought me such peace, I was drawn to the practice and wanted to learn more. I am now an Usui / Holy Fire III Reiki master teacher with my own practice. I call my practice Big Green Luck in honor of the journey that brought me to Reiki and in gratitude to Rob Brezsny for the mantra that guided me to safety.
